218. To John Prior Estlin

Address: Revd J. P. Estlin | St Michael's Hill | Bristol Ms. Bristol Central Lib. Pub. E.L.G. i. 91.

Stamped: Bridgewater. Saturday Morning [ 6 January 1798]

My dear friend

After much & very painful hesitation I have at length returned the Draft to Mr Wedgewood with a long letter explanatory of my

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conduct -- The first sunny morning that I walk out, at Shrewsbury, will make my heart die away within me -- for I shall be in a land of Strangers! For I shall have left a Friend whose sympathies were perfect with my manners, feelings & opinions -- and what is yet more painful, I shall have left him unconvinced of the expediency of my going, public or personal. -- I could not stay with an easy conscience; but whether I shall be happy so far removed from any who love me, I know not. This I know -- I will make myself contented by struggling to do my Duty. --

I have written to Mr Wood & to Mr Row -- promising to be at Shrewsbury by the latter end of next week. To mor Row I perform Mr Howel's duty -- the good old man has gone to London with his daughter to seek surgical assistance for her.

I am now, utterly without money: and my account stands thus. -- I owe Biggs 5£ -- Parsons, the Bookseller, owes me more than this considerably; but he is a rogue, & will not pay me. -- I have not payed Mrs Fricker her quarterly allowance -- in short --
		£ 	S 	D
Biggs 	5" 	0" 	0
Mrs Frick. 	5" 	5" 	0
A quarter's Rent 			
	due Dec. 25th, 	2" 	2" 	0
	1797 			
Maid's Wages 	1" 	1" 	0
Shoemaker 	1" 	13" 	0
Coals 	2" 	6" 	0
Chandler-- 		0" 	12" 	0
Sundries 		0" 	12" 	0
_____________________________________
		£18" 	11" 	0

This is all I owe in the world: now in order to pay it I must bor Row ten pound of you, 5£ of Mr Wade, 1 and will sell my Ballad to Phillips who I doubt not will give me 5£ for it 2 -- I suppose, that my Friends will not withdraw their annual subscription of 5£ this year -- Afterwards of course I should not want it -- So that, you see, I propose to anticipate your's, Mr Hobhouse's, & Mr Wade's Subscriptions. --

God love you I I will be with you -- as soon as Riches, instead of
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1 	The following endorsement appears on the address sheet of this manuscript: Jany -- 8-98 I Rec'd of Mr. Estlin Fifteen Guineas I on Coleridge's acct. | J. Wade
2 	Coleridge refers to The Ancient Mariner. It did not appear in the Monthly Magazine, of which Richard Phillips was the proprietor.

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making themselves wings, shall make a pair for my shoulders-at present, I am absolutely unfledged. --

Your's with filial & fraternal affection S. T. Coleridge My affectionate remembrances to Mrs Estlin. --