530. To Sara Hutchinson MS. Dove Cottage. Hitherto unpublished fragment. [Circa 19 December 1803] 1 . . . Sum, to be repayed by Wordsworth at the end of the Year in case I should not be able to do it 2 / & the plan which I had lit on, of taking up the money by a Draft on my own Annuity, W. to let Mrs C. have it by Installments quarterly, did not suit William / -- & to confess the Truth to you, I am heart-sick and stomach-sick of talking, writing, and thinking about myself. -- Besides all this, I found that I had been wandering in a mist; that there are so many Bills to pay, & heavy ones too, in addition to the 28 or 29£. . .& Mrs C's Mother's annual Pittance, that 1509 will not. . . ____________________ 1 In this letter Coleridge speaks 'of going to Grasmere tomorrow'. Since he went on 20 Dec. 1803, this letter was probably written the day before. See Letter 539. 2 Writing to Coleridge about this time Dorothy Wordsworth says: 'As to the money William bids me say that whatever best accommodates you he should best like, only that it would be more pleasant to us (other things being nearly equal) to have nothing to pay till the end of next summer as John will then be at home, and our affairs settled.' Early Letters, 852. In Mar. 1804 William Sotheby gave Coleridge £100 for which Wordsworth stood security. See Letter 569. -1023- . . . Dear little Derwent! he is a sad naughty Boy, but very beautiful. I forgot to tell a sweet anecdote of him, that happened some months before we went into Scotland / He was whirling round & round in the Kitchen, till (and no doubt for the first time in his conscious Life) he made himself compleatly giddy -- he turned pale with fear, his pretty Lips began to quiver, and pawing with his two arms as if he was pulling something back, he cries out repeatedly with trembling Voice, The Kisshen is running away from Derwent! The Kishen (Kitchen) is running away from Derwent! -- you never saw so pretty a sight. -- To this Hour Derwent believes that there are two Derwents, & believes that the Reflection in the Looking-Glass is a real Being / & when I endeavored to convince him of his mistake by shewing him that he could not feel it / [']Well!['] says little Cumbria -- ['] but you know, the Glass an't broke, & that's the reason, I can't get at him.' -- Dear Hartley is just what he was -- if possible, more thoughtful, joyous, and loveworthy than ever. He has afforded me a striking instance of the effect of local association / Since we have moved Houses, Hartley has been 9 times with us where he came once before, & has shewn most manifestly a great increase of affection to me -- & to his Mother. -- I think of going to Grasmere tomorrow -- to stay there a couple of Days, & if possible to take Derwent & leave him there -& thence to London. . . . or Wednesday -- . . .thence. . .Bath, & Exeter -- . . . [S.T.] C.