218. To John Prior Estlin Address: Revd J. P. Estlin | St Michael's Hill | Bristol Ms. Bristol Central Lib. Pub. E.L.G. i. 91. Stamped: Bridgewater. Saturday Morning [ 6 January 1798] My dear friend After much & very painful hesitation I have at length returned the Draft to Mr Wedgewood with a long letter explanatory of my -367- conduct -- The first sunny morning that I walk out, at Shrewsbury, will make my heart die away within me -- for I shall be in a land of Strangers! For I shall have left a Friend whose sympathies were perfect with my manners, feelings & opinions -- and what is yet more painful, I shall have left him unconvinced of the expediency of my going, public or personal. -- I could not stay with an easy conscience; but whether I shall be happy so far removed from any who love me, I know not. This I know -- I will make myself contented by struggling to do my Duty. -- I have written to Mr Wood & to Mr Row -- promising to be at Shrewsbury by the latter end of next week. To mor Row I perform Mr Howel's duty -- the good old man has gone to London with his daughter to seek surgical assistance for her. I am now, utterly without money: and my account stands thus. -- I owe Biggs 5£ -- Parsons, the Bookseller, owes me more than this considerably; but he is a rogue, & will not pay me. -- I have not payed Mrs Fricker her quarterly allowance -- in short -- £ S D Biggs 5" 0" 0 Mrs Frick. 5" 5" 0 A quarter's Rent due Dec. 25th, 2" 2" 0 1797 Maid's Wages 1" 1" 0 Shoemaker 1" 13" 0 Coals 2" 6" 0 Chandler-- 0" 12" 0 Sundries 0" 12" 0 _____________________________________ £18" 11" 0 This is all I owe in the world: now in order to pay it I must bor Row ten pound of you, 5£ of Mr Wade, 1 and will sell my Ballad to Phillips who I doubt not will give me 5£ for it 2 -- I suppose, that my Friends will not withdraw their annual subscription of 5£ this year -- Afterwards of course I should not want it -- So that, you see, I propose to anticipate your's, Mr Hobhouse's, & Mr Wade's Subscriptions. -- God love you I I will be with you -- as soon as Riches, instead of ____________________ 1 The following endorsement appears on the address sheet of this manuscript: Jany -- 8-98 I Rec'd of Mr. Estlin Fifteen Guineas I on Coleridge's acct. | J. Wade 2 Coleridge refers to The Ancient Mariner. It did not appear in the Monthly Magazine, of which Richard Phillips was the proprietor. -368- making themselves wings, shall make a pair for my shoulders-at present, I am absolutely unfledged. -- Your's with filial & fraternal affection S. T. Coleridge My affectionate remembrances to Mrs Estlin. --